I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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