Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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