im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
