omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
smell my finger.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
