now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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