his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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