my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
