it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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