New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
