u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
