Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just high enough for therapy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
