I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
