it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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