I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
