people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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