I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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