Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
