terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We have started to decorate penises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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