Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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