If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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