just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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