thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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