if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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