Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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