whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
