they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
