Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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