You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
