Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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