The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
