u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
