I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
