Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
