Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
