I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
