I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
