who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
