I wish I could teleport
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
