Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
