If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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