Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
