did you get engaged???
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
