Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
