The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're too hungover to prance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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