Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
