Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
