every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
