Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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