I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
