Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were trust falling into bushes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
