I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
